Dear Ho's & other gardening
equipment
I sit here at Walsh mansions attended by my maids in waiting and my other maids in nazi uniforms contemplating the slow but sure completion of my next ep. As ever, at the helm with me (mostly because I can't seem to lose the lanky tosser in the gloomy streets of London) is Captain Robert Iolanthe Pugnacious Ramsay. I presume, his role in this will be make sure that the material that is being written and recorded is of a terrifically high standard and will not disappoint those of you expecting a coherent collection of songs in a quality package. You poor fools.
Truth and fact aside, Rob and I have been slaving away over a hot tape recorder with a mind to releasing the results over the summer. As the project stands, we have so far recorded a couple of minutes of me hitting a chicken with my ankle, a short speech about dolls and a great fart tape. This, ladies and gentlemen, is my world, and I welcome you in with open arms.
That is not to say we going to short change you when it comes to release time (oh no), I can assure you that will not be the case. The equipment we are using to create my masterpiece is state of the art in most Eastern European states.
For those technically minded people out there, I will now list the equipment we are using to make the kind of sounds that the London magazine Time Out described as 'Despicably incompetent music made by a tedious and mediocrity':
If you cannot wait for the full release of the new ep (entitled 'All Day Breakfast') you can download a tantalising excerpt from my website courtesy of the relative brilliance and talent of Rob and myself. I also hope to be performing a few shows over the coming months (see the news menu at the website for dates and details) during which I will (a) preview new material and (b) scratch myself in an unsuitable manner.
Finally, there is an item of tragically sad news. After many years on this earth, I have to inform you that James Sanders, a great friend of mine, a truly gifted guitar player and a stalwart of my previous band 'That Man Smell', is still alive. Despite help from family and friends, James remains fit and well. Our thoughts are with them at this troubling time.
Take care with hot food and remain in debt.
Simon Walsh